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I Wish I Could Find My Pants!!

July 6, 2010

People who know me or have met me know that I’m a big boy.

I cop to that. As you can read in the “About the Ransomed Man” section, I’m 6-foot-5 and I weigh 328 pounds. I put the weight on and I’m literally working my a%% off by watching what I eat and exercising.

I know 328 pounds sounds like a lot–and it is!–but this weight is a bit of a low point for me. About 18 months ago, I weighed 375 pounds. I started Weight Watchers, went faithfully for 16 weeks and dropped 50 pounds. Went to the beach, endured a horrendous ordeal where my car’s engine was destroyed and the lovely Sarah’s car was totalled by a tree (all within five days), and didn’t even look back on the Weight Watchers experience. As a result, I gained back 33 of those pounds before we returned to WW eight weeks ago.

Sadly, even 375 wasn’t my biggest. While I’ve hovered in the 300s for most of the last 15 years, with a brief and exhilarating dip into the upper 200s during our medically supervised weight loss program, there was a time I know I was well into the 400s.

Thing is, I don’t really know what my biggest number was. I never, ever stepped on the scale in those days. I wore enormous pants, though. I once wore pants with a size 54 waist band. Still shocks me to write that number, but it’s true.

When I was in high school, before there was a Big & Tall section in any major department store, I shopped often at a store called–wait for it–Tiny’s. The name would have been funny had Tiny possessed even a modicum of fashion sense. In his view, every big, tall, portly, stocky, round man was to be seen in Western wear or vomit brown and green turtlenecks. Most frightening of all, Tiny had a pair of 60-inch-waist blue jeans tacked on one of his walls like some freak show objets d’art.

At some point, I was only six inches away from being part of Tiny’s little circus. This past week, I slid into a pair of 44s–cargo shorts I hadn’t worn in over a year. I would be lying to tell you I wasn’t happy about that.

I don’t own those pants anymore. Sometimes I wish I could find them, but I am certain I threw them out when I began wearing pants under the 50-inch mark. Health experts say you should toss the clothing you can no longer wear because holding on to your “fat clothes” keeps some psychological door open to re-gaining the weight you’ve lost. I’m guessing that’s why I’ve cycled between 44s and 48s forever. I’ve been holding on to clothes I don’t need and keeping that door open.

I said in my first post that weight loss is a process. There are no miracle cures, no instant diets. Getting healthy and fit is hard work…tracking everything you put in your mouth (which helps a lot), tracking your exercise (which also helps), and dealing with the emotions that come with weight loss. Like owning up to the security of holding on to “fat clothes.”

The emotional part of this is hard work. Just like with exercise, though, every step matters.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go throw away some pants.


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  1. Shelley Courington permalink

    Go for it! Throw them away. It IS the only real way to do it. And, not saying you won’t float back up, because you might. But buying one pair of “fat” pants is better for the mind and soul than sliding into a waiting wardrobe. Buying a pair hurts-the wallet, the mind, the soul- and it is usually a reckoning.
    While we have chosen different paths to achieve our weight loss goals, the end goal is the same, be healthier.
    I think you are looking awesome these days! Keep up the good work and chin up!

  2. Megan permalink

    hmm. Looks like I’ve got some closet cleaning out to do. Thanks for the nudge.

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