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Candy: A Fat Guy’s Kryptonite

September 15, 2010

Candy season has begun.

What, you ask, is candy season? It’s that eight-month period of the year between candy corn and jelly beans (in other words, from Halloween and Easter).

The other day I walked into Plethora of Locations Pharmacy only to be confronted by the “seasonal” aisle, which was loaded with piles and piles of candy.

Let me be clear, while I love chocolate bars in all their lovely and luscious forms, I’m a sucker for suckers. I heart candy hearts. Give me all-sugar empty calories any day.

The pre-packaged individually wrapped Halloween treats mean little to me. This time of year I LOVE candy corn! And Autumn Mix. And those pumpkin-shaped things that make my tongue tingle as the sugar rushes into my bloodstream. Oh yeah, that’s the stuff!

I picked up a small bag of candy corn and did a quick calculation in my head. Eating that bag would cost me 15 points. I could, in theory, have just one serving and spend only three points, but, again, I love candy. I know I can’t eat just one serving. If I own the bag, I’ll empty it. I’m well acquainted with my sugar habit.

Example: I have, on many occasions, purchased a one pound bag of Red Vines at the Plethora of Locations Drugstore just over a mile from the house and eat the entire thing before getting home. I’m not making that up.

So, I put the candy corn down and walked away.

Three days later, I was in a rival drugstore chain where I talked myself into agreeing to the one-serving theory of candy consumption. I lied to myself that I would count out just enough corn pieces to comprise a serving. So proud was I of this agreement, I bought a bag of pumpkins too.

Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

I got back to the office and, over the course of the afternoon one serving became one bag. No corn left behind. The next day, the pumpkins disappeared the same way.

The thing about empty calories is, they’re empty. Not filling. I used all those points and was very hungry later. And no one makes good choices when they’re hungry, no matter how good the intentions.

I’ll spare you the details, but it was a disaster. At least I worked out those days.

So I’ll be staying out of the candy aisle. After The candy corn disappears, there will be ribbon candy, then Necco hearts, then jellybeans.

It’s gonna be a long candy season.


From → Fatness, Food

One Comment
  1. I’m with you! I have counted out 22 and a half dark chocolate M&Ms because my math said that was one serving for me. Yes, I cut an M&M in half:

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